The Naked Man Story (long)
Grex Agora42 Item 207: Saturday Afternoon at Slynne's House
Entered by Aaron (aaron) on Sat Sep 14 23:27:38 EDT 2002:
Most people here know slynne, in one sense of the word or another. Some have even been her houseguest, back in the day when furs kept her on something of a tight leash. I wasn't aware of the positive effect furs had on slynne, though, until I stopped by her house this afternoon.
Sure, it sounded innocent enough. I had mentioned to her that I had not seen the first LOTR movie, and she called to say she had rented it on DVD. She lives in Ypsi - not as nice a neighborhood as when she lived with furs, but she insists that it is not on the wrong side of the tracks. (Press her, and she'll explain that there's a vacant lot between her house and the tracks, then there's the 'bad side'.)
My first surprise was the naked guy in her TV room - and it is a small room. This is a bit awkward, although arguably it is a theme that dates back to when she lived with furs. I make as polite an inquiry as I can muster, and Lynne says something to the effect of, "I don't actually know him, but he has a nice ass."
It should be noted that Lynne *claims* that she is not involved in the drug scene, despite the convenient location of her house to a large number of potential customers. I'm willing to take her word for it. But....
My second surprise was the police raid. Three cops racing in the front door, and another through the back. This is when I learned that, as tolerant as Lynne's dog Crissy is of most people, Lynne seems to have trained her to dislike police officers. So, of course, Lynne asks me to hold her growling, snarling dog back, while the officers do their work. (I guess she knew she was "clean".)
The third surprise was perhaps a bit anticlimactic as compared to the police raid, but no less disconcerting. Most house guests don't mind being asked to do a small chore, such as helping with the dishes. At Lynne's house, as it seems, such courtesies to the hostess include being asked to clean the blood off of her walls.
Something to think about, in case she invites you to a dinner party.
26 responses total.
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#1 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 01:53:50 2002:
boggle
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#2 of 26 by Oh Rabbi! (lelande) on Sun Sep 15 03:21:42 2002:
since i do know slynne, and have been a guest at her house, i can't tell which parts are to be taken seriously.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#3 of 26 by igor von heiniken (iggy) on Sun Sep 15 08:25:07 2002:
hahaha
she never invited me inside her house.. but i did once stagger away from a bar with her late one night (accompanied by two wanker men!) wandering the streets of ypsi and wandered past this house she was going to buy! i think it was the same one.
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#4 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 09:03:05 2002:
aaron, you are such a liar. I *never* asked you to wash the blood off the walls. I asked you to help me wash the blood off the FLOOR. You washed the blood off the walls all on your own!
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#5 of 26 by Lawrence Kestenbaum (polygon) on Sun Sep 15 11:13:51 2002:
I have been in slynne's house, but I didn't notice any blood stains. Perhaps aaron washed them off before I arrived.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#6 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 11:48:17 2002:
The blood didnt get onto the walls until yesterday.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#7 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 11:52:45 2002:
Anyhow, here is *my* verson of the story which I posted this morning on
Mnet:
Yesterday afternoon, my friend Aaron came over to watch a movie with me. I rented LOTR because he apparently is the only person on the planet who hasnt seen it already. We were hanging out in the TV room discussing Hobbits and Elves and watching the movie and just kind of hanging out.
The dogs kept barking at something outside. AT first I thought it was a squirrel or the guy working on the house next to mine but then I heard some strange noises in the back yard and I noticed that my primroses
were all trampled. Being a stupid white bitch, I went out back to investigate. That's when I saw a bare naked man hopping my fence and running from my back yard to the front yard. I yelled back into the house, "oh my! there is a naked man in my yard"
Aaron didnt really believe me so I left both dogs in the backyard and ran to the front porch with Aaron so I could show him. We didnt see the naked man. Aaron asked me what he looked like. I said that all I really
saw was his ass and that it was kind of a nice ass. I was about to call the cops to report the incident when 3 cop cars pulled up and 5 cops jumped out. They ran back around the house into my back yard where my dogs were going CRAZY. I was really worried that my dogs would get hurt so I turned around and went back into my house. I figured I would let the dogs back inside.
I went back into the house just in time to see the naked man running through my kitchen followed closely by 4 cops and my dog Brooke. They cornered him in my TV room where it became very clear to me that he was
*really* psychotic. I kind of had a clue that something wasnt right with him when I first saw him, of course, because usually one has to be pretty fucked up to go running naked through people's lawns unless it is for a joke or something.
So I called Brooke into the living room where Aaron and I and Brooke sat on the couch listening to the psychotic naked man scream and thrash and kick things. He kept screaming about people trying to kill him. The cops were trying to arrest him but he was violently resisting them.
Crissy was still in the back yard snarling and barking and generally putting on her "mean dog" face. There was something totally absurd about the whole thing. Aaron and I were making jokes on the couch and laughing our asses off.
Eventually the cops calmed him down and then they asked me to get a blanket for the guy. I found a really old one in the basement and gave it to them. The naked guy freaked out again, though, as they were trying to get him to leave. It took four cops to drag him, naked, out of my house. One cop stayed to get information for her report. She got a radio call just after they left. I guess the guy busted through the back window on the cop car with his bare feet. ouch.
There was blood all over my TV room and some in the kitchen too. ick. I am not sure why he was bleeding but I think Crissy might have bit him. On the other hand, he was running around naked so he could have cut him self on anything. There were burs in his hair so heapparently had been running through some brush.
Luckily, from my former occupation as a group home manager, I have a habit of keeping certain things in my house because "you never know". So I whipped out my latex gloves and bleach and Aaron was really nice and helped me clean up the blood. My mothers Xmas gift to me last year of a Dirt Devil spot cleaner came in real handy. It got *all* the blood stains off the couch. (I could write a testimonial for Dirt Devil but they probably dont want to advertise that their product is really good
at getting those unexpected blood stains out of furniture).
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#8 of 26 by Scott Helmke (scott) on Sun Sep 15 12:11:20 2002:
Plausible... a little *too* plausible.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#9 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 12:58:04 2002:
I know. That part about Aaron not having seen LOTR is kind of over the top but it is TRUE!
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#10 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 13:12:54 2002:
Next time you see a naked man running through your back yard, will you remember to lock the door before you go running to the front?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#11 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 13:26:27 2002:
It depends on who the guy is, doesnt it? ;)
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#12 of 26 by Rane Curl (rcurl) on Sun Sep 15 13:29:40 2002:
Why don't interesting things like that happen in OUR neighborhood? (OH.. wait a moment..we had crazy armed bank robbers running through our back
yards not long ago..)
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#13 of 26 by Mike Pelletier (scott) on Sun Sep 15 13:44:18 2002:
None of this would have if slynne hadn't been prevented from owning enough guns by the jack-booted Clintonista thugs who run this country.
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#14 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 13:46:35 2002:
No kidding. I would have shot Aaron a long time ago so I wouldnt have had any reason to rent LOTR so I would have been up at my parents house swimming instead of hanging around inside at MY house watching movies.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#15 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 14:40:27 2002:
I had a wiener dog puppy running through the "yard" by my building when I got home today. It was on a leash, though. And it was darn cute.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#16 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 15:47:19 2002:
Was it naked?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#17 of 26 by Oh Rabbi! (lelande) on Sun Sep 15 15:55:30 2002:
12: you live in burns park?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#18 of 26 by John H. Remmers (remmers) on Sun Sep 15 17:51:31 2002:
This is all very interesting, but what I really want to know is what did Aaron think of LOTR?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#19 of 26 by Rane Curl (rcurl) on Sun Sep 15 18:43:59 2002:
Re #17: I live near Burns park as well as Ember Way (where the shootout
occurred).
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#20 of 26 by David Brodbeck (gull) on Mon Sep 16 14:39:03 2002:
Geez. And to think what passes for excitement in my neighborhood is a drunk guy standing in front of his girlfriend's car and yelling 'hit me! HIT ME!' as she tries to leave after an argument.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#21 of 26 by Lawrence Kestenbaum (polygon) on Tue Sep 17 08:31:22 2002:
I have been meaning to see LOTR myself.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#22 of 26 by John H. Remmers (remmers) on Tue Sep 17 12:35:34 2002:
A word of advice: Don't plan on seeing it at slynne's house.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#23 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Tue Sep 17 17:21:11 2002:
Hahaha.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#24 of 26 by TS Taylor (tsty) on Thu Sep 19 15:52:26 2002:
teh continuing advventures of life ...... historic event
uhhh, do either of you think you will be asked to provide
a statement or testify?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#25 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Thu Sep 19 17:09:50 2002:
Aaron seemed to feel that it was unlikely.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#26 of 26 by Aaron (aaron) on Sun Oct 6 15:44:36 2002:
My feeling is that they were unlikely to charge the man with B&E or home invasion, as he entered Lynne's house in a near-psychotic state, and that they are unlikely to charge him with trespass (a misdemeanor) when they can charge him with resisting and obstructing, fleeing and
eluding, and malicious destruction of property if they choose - all of which can be supported with only the testimony of the arresting officers.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Entered by Aaron (aaron) on Sat Sep 14 23:27:38 EDT 2002:
Most people here know slynne, in one sense of the word or another. Some have even been her houseguest, back in the day when furs kept her on something of a tight leash. I wasn't aware of the positive effect furs had on slynne, though, until I stopped by her house this afternoon.
Sure, it sounded innocent enough. I had mentioned to her that I had not seen the first LOTR movie, and she called to say she had rented it on DVD. She lives in Ypsi - not as nice a neighborhood as when she lived with furs, but she insists that it is not on the wrong side of the tracks. (Press her, and she'll explain that there's a vacant lot between her house and the tracks, then there's the 'bad side'.)
My first surprise was the naked guy in her TV room - and it is a small room. This is a bit awkward, although arguably it is a theme that dates back to when she lived with furs. I make as polite an inquiry as I can muster, and Lynne says something to the effect of, "I don't actually know him, but he has a nice ass."
It should be noted that Lynne *claims* that she is not involved in the drug scene, despite the convenient location of her house to a large number of potential customers. I'm willing to take her word for it. But....
My second surprise was the police raid. Three cops racing in the front door, and another through the back. This is when I learned that, as tolerant as Lynne's dog Crissy is of most people, Lynne seems to have trained her to dislike police officers. So, of course, Lynne asks me to hold her growling, snarling dog back, while the officers do their work. (I guess she knew she was "clean".)
The third surprise was perhaps a bit anticlimactic as compared to the police raid, but no less disconcerting. Most house guests don't mind being asked to do a small chore, such as helping with the dishes. At Lynne's house, as it seems, such courtesies to the hostess include being asked to clean the blood off of her walls.
Something to think about, in case she invites you to a dinner party.
26 responses total.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
#1 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 01:53:50 2002:
boggle
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#2 of 26 by Oh Rabbi! (lelande) on Sun Sep 15 03:21:42 2002:
since i do know slynne, and have been a guest at her house, i can't tell which parts are to be taken seriously.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#3 of 26 by igor von heiniken (iggy) on Sun Sep 15 08:25:07 2002:
hahaha
she never invited me inside her house.. but i did once stagger away from a bar with her late one night (accompanied by two wanker men!) wandering the streets of ypsi and wandered past this house she was going to buy! i think it was the same one.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#4 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 09:03:05 2002:
aaron, you are such a liar. I *never* asked you to wash the blood off the walls. I asked you to help me wash the blood off the FLOOR. You washed the blood off the walls all on your own!
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#5 of 26 by Lawrence Kestenbaum (polygon) on Sun Sep 15 11:13:51 2002:
I have been in slynne's house, but I didn't notice any blood stains. Perhaps aaron washed them off before I arrived.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#6 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 11:48:17 2002:
The blood didnt get onto the walls until yesterday.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#7 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 11:52:45 2002:
Anyhow, here is *my* verson of the story which I posted this morning on
Mnet:
Yesterday afternoon, my friend Aaron came over to watch a movie with me. I rented LOTR because he apparently is the only person on the planet who hasnt seen it already. We were hanging out in the TV room discussing Hobbits and Elves and watching the movie and just kind of hanging out.
The dogs kept barking at something outside. AT first I thought it was a squirrel or the guy working on the house next to mine but then I heard some strange noises in the back yard and I noticed that my primroses
were all trampled. Being a stupid white bitch, I went out back to investigate. That's when I saw a bare naked man hopping my fence and running from my back yard to the front yard. I yelled back into the house, "oh my! there is a naked man in my yard"
Aaron didnt really believe me so I left both dogs in the backyard and ran to the front porch with Aaron so I could show him. We didnt see the naked man. Aaron asked me what he looked like. I said that all I really
saw was his ass and that it was kind of a nice ass. I was about to call the cops to report the incident when 3 cop cars pulled up and 5 cops jumped out. They ran back around the house into my back yard where my dogs were going CRAZY. I was really worried that my dogs would get hurt so I turned around and went back into my house. I figured I would let the dogs back inside.
I went back into the house just in time to see the naked man running through my kitchen followed closely by 4 cops and my dog Brooke. They cornered him in my TV room where it became very clear to me that he was
*really* psychotic. I kind of had a clue that something wasnt right with him when I first saw him, of course, because usually one has to be pretty fucked up to go running naked through people's lawns unless it is for a joke or something.
So I called Brooke into the living room where Aaron and I and Brooke sat on the couch listening to the psychotic naked man scream and thrash and kick things. He kept screaming about people trying to kill him. The cops were trying to arrest him but he was violently resisting them.
Crissy was still in the back yard snarling and barking and generally putting on her "mean dog" face. There was something totally absurd about the whole thing. Aaron and I were making jokes on the couch and laughing our asses off.
Eventually the cops calmed him down and then they asked me to get a blanket for the guy. I found a really old one in the basement and gave it to them. The naked guy freaked out again, though, as they were trying to get him to leave. It took four cops to drag him, naked, out of my house. One cop stayed to get information for her report. She got a radio call just after they left. I guess the guy busted through the back window on the cop car with his bare feet. ouch.
There was blood all over my TV room and some in the kitchen too. ick. I am not sure why he was bleeding but I think Crissy might have bit him. On the other hand, he was running around naked so he could have cut him self on anything. There were burs in his hair so heapparently had been running through some brush.
Luckily, from my former occupation as a group home manager, I have a habit of keeping certain things in my house because "you never know". So I whipped out my latex gloves and bleach and Aaron was really nice and helped me clean up the blood. My mothers Xmas gift to me last year of a Dirt Devil spot cleaner came in real handy. It got *all* the blood stains off the couch. (I could write a testimonial for Dirt Devil but they probably dont want to advertise that their product is really good
at getting those unexpected blood stains out of furniture).
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#8 of 26 by Scott Helmke (scott) on Sun Sep 15 12:11:20 2002:
Plausible... a little *too* plausible.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#9 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 12:58:04 2002:
I know. That part about Aaron not having seen LOTR is kind of over the top but it is TRUE!
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#10 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 13:12:54 2002:
Next time you see a naked man running through your back yard, will you remember to lock the door before you go running to the front?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#11 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 13:26:27 2002:
It depends on who the guy is, doesnt it? ;)
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#12 of 26 by Rane Curl (rcurl) on Sun Sep 15 13:29:40 2002:
Why don't interesting things like that happen in OUR neighborhood? (OH.. wait a moment..we had crazy armed bank robbers running through our back
yards not long ago..)
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#13 of 26 by Mike Pelletier (scott) on Sun Sep 15 13:44:18 2002:
None of this would have if slynne hadn't been prevented from owning enough guns by the jack-booted Clintonista thugs who run this country.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#14 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 13:46:35 2002:
No kidding. I would have shot Aaron a long time ago so I wouldnt have had any reason to rent LOTR so I would have been up at my parents house swimming instead of hanging around inside at MY house watching movies.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#15 of 26 by The Accidental Purist (other) on Sun Sep 15 14:40:27 2002:
I had a wiener dog puppy running through the "yard" by my building when I got home today. It was on a leash, though. And it was darn cute.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#16 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Sun Sep 15 15:47:19 2002:
Was it naked?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#17 of 26 by Oh Rabbi! (lelande) on Sun Sep 15 15:55:30 2002:
12: you live in burns park?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#18 of 26 by John H. Remmers (remmers) on Sun Sep 15 17:51:31 2002:
This is all very interesting, but what I really want to know is what did Aaron think of LOTR?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#19 of 26 by Rane Curl (rcurl) on Sun Sep 15 18:43:59 2002:
Re #17: I live near Burns park as well as Ember Way (where the shootout
occurred).
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#20 of 26 by David Brodbeck (gull) on Mon Sep 16 14:39:03 2002:
Geez. And to think what passes for excitement in my neighborhood is a drunk guy standing in front of his girlfriend's car and yelling 'hit me! HIT ME!' as she tries to leave after an argument.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#21 of 26 by Lawrence Kestenbaum (polygon) on Tue Sep 17 08:31:22 2002:
I have been meaning to see LOTR myself.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#22 of 26 by John H. Remmers (remmers) on Tue Sep 17 12:35:34 2002:
A word of advice: Don't plan on seeing it at slynne's house.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#23 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Tue Sep 17 17:21:11 2002:
Hahaha.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#24 of 26 by TS Taylor (tsty) on Thu Sep 19 15:52:26 2002:
teh continuing advventures of life ...... historic event
uhhh, do either of you think you will be asked to provide
a statement or testify?
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#25 of 26 by S. Lynne Fremont (slynne) on Thu Sep 19 17:09:50 2002:
Aaron seemed to feel that it was unlikely.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
#26 of 26 by Aaron (aaron) on Sun Oct 6 15:44:36 2002:
My feeling is that they were unlikely to charge the man with B&E or home invasion, as he entered Lynne's house in a near-psychotic state, and that they are unlikely to charge him with trespass (a misdemeanor) when they can charge him with resisting and obstructing, fleeing and
eluding, and malicious destruction of property if they choose - all of which can be supported with only the testimony of the arresting officers.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----